A Moment in Time

I was gone for the weekend, visiting my mom for Easter. Getting away allows for some fresh perspective on life.

I'm back now and I'm realizing again that things here are not good. I'm subtly frustrated but allowing God to do the work that he needs to in this situation. In the past I would be chomping at the bit by now and working myself up into such a dither that I'd be one big ball of angst. I think I've learned my lesson somewhere in the mix. Patience, young grasshopper.

But still, things here are not good. I've lost purpose. I've lost vision. I'm content to wait because I sincerely believe that's what God wants me to do right now, but I have to distract myself so I don't go crazy. One thing I haven't lost, as amazing as it sounds, is hope. I whisper to myself, this too shall pass and things will get better. God is up to something.

But what do I do in the mean time? How can I proactively help myself out?

A few months ago I realized that I had come to dread, almost loath traveling. Not good for someone with my life. I began to see myself as a victim of circumstance.... here I was on an airplane again, traveling to some crazy foreign country again. When would it stop?

I know that must sound funny, but I was on the road for a total of three months last year. Austria, Netherlands, Slovakia, Romania, Russia, Latvia, S. Africa.... The year before I was in Slovakia, Italy, Greece, S. Korea, Japan, Turkey, Ukraine, Bosnia, Czech Republic, Germany and Switzerland.

During a particularly long and arduous two-month trip in 2007, I calculated that just on that trip I had spent the equivalent of one week traveling on public transportation or airplanes (not just to the supermarket or downtown... but a journey that required me to take all my luggage). One week of my life spent sitting on my butt watching the world pass by me.

I think it would be normal to get tired of traveling. And getting tired of it made me feel victimized. I seriously dreaded traveling. (I still have issues thinking about taking public transportation in countries I'm not familiar with). But then I had a thought. Who was it that planned this trip? Who was it that bought the tickets and decided to go? Hmm... it was me. I did this to myself. I was no victim. I was an active participant in the decision making process.

I chose this. And as such I had no right to feel like a victim.

My last trip overseas I chanted this to myself whenever I started to feel overwhelmed by the unpleasantness of the journey before me. I chose this. I am not a victim. I did this. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I found my attitude changing. The entire experience became more enjoyable, less tiring and much less of a burden on my shoulders.

So all that to say, what is it that I can do to help me through my present experience? What mantra do I need to chant to myself that will fundamentally change my interpretation of these events and bring peace and a sense of well-being to my inner soul?