On the ground.

My world is slightly blurry. Someone smeared the mirror of my reality.

There's an underlying sense of frustration and annoyance that I have. I want to know the cold truth from everyone about me; all my faults, all my failures, all the ways I've disappointed, all the reasons I can't do it, can't make it, don't add up, fail at this and that.

I want it all right now so that I can take the punches all at once, so it can knock me back, knock me down, knock the air out of me. Hit me, so that I can have the confidence that everyone is done pretending, that they're willing to face me and finally tell me the truth.

Lying on the hard, wet street, I taste blood in my mouth. Do I give up or do I give in? If I give up, where do I go? If I fight, who do I fight? The people standing around me are my friends. I can't fight them.

But something is at work here. Something is trying to beat me down, trying to steal my confidence and my hope. Trying to prove to me that I can't do it, hoping that I'll believe I'm the failure people say I am, hoping to put me off the trail for good. Something is trying to destroy me.

One of my double-sided strengths is stubbornness. There are moments when it comes in handy... especially in a fight. You are not going to get the best of me. I will fight you or I will die. Running away crying is not an option.