At least I called it with my last post. Somehow I had a sense it was coming for me, the apex of a year of dysfunction launched as a missile-of-doom at my head.

I was crucified yesterday. It was brutal. I know it could have been worse but that doesn't make me feel any better. What really stings is that everyone decided to jump on the bandwagon. "Not to make you day any worse, but I have a few things to say...."

Again, I think it's in our nature as humanity to kick 'em while they're down. It's much less intimidating that way.

Something else the irks me is that I have, for the past year, encouraged people time and time again to come to me if they have a problem with me, the team, their responsibilities... anything. And now they're accusing me of not listening to them, running my own show, being disorganized, not empowering them; unfortunately, the list goes on and on.

I wish I was a mind reader, but I'm not. I can intuit only so much and then it's up to them to take ownership, be brave and bring it up to me. I always try to be approachable, but I know they're uncomfortably with confronting people. But if they don't confront they get bitter and frustrated....

Not to say there's not truth in what they're telling me. I know there is and I'm completely willing to take responsibility for it. In fact, I've known about this stuff for ages and have been very open about it. The problem is that I haven't had a clue how to make it better. I've sought help, asked for advice and prayed about it but nothing extremely helpful has surfaced.

So then it hurts all the more when the year's worth of accusations fly at me.

I've been obsessing about this for a year now, feeling like a failure for a year now, so thanks for rubbing it in and saying it's all my fault.

Which leaves me with one question, unanswered by everyone.
So what am I supposed to do with this?