Subtle Contempt

During the first few months of my training with the Colony an unfortunate thing happened--my leaders for my trip overseas decided they didn't like me. The whole situation really confused me. I was trying to be nothing but supportive, I refused to talk behind their backs. I knew I had a tendency to be strong and stubborn so I stayed quiet and let others take the reigns. I didn't want to threaten my leaders... but somehow I did anyway.

I had traveled with teams before coming to the Colony and I've always had my own set of issues on the trips. This time, however, I was determined to do it right. I was going to hold myself to a high standard. I was going to support the team. I was going to be a positive influence and not a negative one.

I passed that test well. The two months that we were traveling were ridiculously hard on me... I had never been so suspected and disliked before. But I kept to my vows and I think succeeded.

At the time anyway.

What I didn't know is that test like those don't finish with the event. It carries on far into the future. I honored my leaders when they had authority over me but what about now? What sort of bitterness resides in my heart at the mere thought of what happened? What words do I choose use when I tell others what happened?

I haven't done well. When I retell the story I let the frustration and annoyance of the past creep into my heart and words. I don't say nice things....

So here's my question. Is there a way to convey the truth of a difficult situation without letting angst build up in my heart when I recall the experience? Is there a way to speak about those leaders and that entire experience without subtle contempt?