The Rings... Again

It never fails. No matter how many times I watch Lord of the Rings or read the books I still get affected in some way. Over the last six days my roomies and I have watched the extended version of all three movies. I have discovered that about an hour and a half each day is definitely the best way to do it. More than that and I get overwhelmed by all the war scenes and end up spacing out.

Every time I watch the movies I end up being fascinated with different parts of the story. This time, I had a particular interest in the story revolving around Rohan. The insidious Wormtongue poisoning the mind and body of King Theoden... the power of words, the power of lies, the power of perception and misinterpretation. A web of deception deftly cast so as to leave a person tight in it's grip without ever realizing where they are or how they got there.

The situation needed truth and it came in the form of Gandalf, brightly shining and all white.

I definitely relate. It's not so much that I've been lied to by people with malicious intent, but more like I've been caught in a web of a greater story that confuses me and subtly distorts truth. Or does it? I cannot tell any more. What do I believe? Who is saying the right thing? How should I respond?

And when I do respond, when I stand up for what my heart says is true, I am misinterpreted and misunderstood. My intentions are called on the carpet and my motives are suspect. If I defend myself I look... well, defensive. But if I say nothing then truth has no voice.

For too long I have been satisfied to live in my confusion and in my fear. My world is gray. I have lingered too long and ended up losing my way. I have been slowly lulled into a sluggishness that makes every step incredibly, tremendously, painfully arduous. To imagine things different was impossible. Imagination abandoned me.

I need to breathe again. I need clear air. I need to be away from the fingers that pull me into an aging sleep. I need to be able to discern truth again. I need to soar with my dreams, to laugh again, to have this burden lifted from my shoulders. I need to find the light and let the sunrise wash over me.

It has been too long. I must have courage to throw off this death-filled sleep and stand fully awake and clear in my mission.

I am ready.