Creepy Cloning

I'm forcing myself to write. There are thoughts, experiences, ideas and struggles that are locked up inside of me. With no outlet to express themselves they wither and die, leaving me with vague feelings and very out of touch with myself.

The first step to unclogging this massive block is to just sit down and write. I think I'm a bit of a verbal and a written processor. If I don't write stuff down I feel like I'm blown by the wind of experience with nothing to chart my progress. I've realized I'm a goal person. I can't stand not having goals of some kind or another, and I especially hate feeling like I haven't made any progress. The only way to chart progress is to know where you've been, where you are and where you hope to go.

Writing does that for me.

Man, I've been out of touch. I told one of my roommates tonight that I don't go look at the stars any more, I don't dream of the what if's, I don't make up stories, I don't go for walks by myself just to think. I'm afraid of the back log of thinking that needs to be done for me to get in touch with myself... so I just avoid it.

Not good. So to those few of you out there who actually, occasionally read this blog, I apologize for these forthcoming fragmented thoughts. I'm trying to overcome this clogged artery, this writers block, this dammed up river that is my soul.

Random realization:
Yesterday I realized that the issue of cloning leaves me feeling very unsettled. Movies like the Island, the Prestige and that one with Arnold Schwarzenegger who gets cloned and doesn't know it--all these movies all disturb me at a certain deep level. The only commonality is that people in the movie are cloned or reproduced in some way.

And I can't figure out why it disturbs me so much. A lot of weird creepy things don't bother me at all. Cloning seems pretty straight forward doesn't it? I mean, isn't being a twin basically the same as having a clone?

Okay, some of my creeped-out-ness comes from the fact that I don't think our movies do an accurate job of portraying the science behind something like the "beam me up Scottie" technology (which to me borders the cloning issue). Basically the idea is that you are "de-molecularized"--reduced to atomic parts-- and then your atoms are shot at light speed to a destination where you are reassembled with all your atoms and molecules being arranged in exactly the right spot.

So, my question is when does a person die? Can any one survive being reduced to mere atoms? Who cares if your body is reassembled on the other side, you're dead. Just because your body is reassembled right doesn't mean it's alive.

And then cloning proper. If I clone myself, I don't go on living for ever and ever. That's completely ridiculous. I die and my clone lives on.....

Which is why the movie the Prestige bothers me. That dude kills himself every time he does that one magic trick. The original him was the first one to die. He himself, who he was, his experiences, his life, everything ended that first time he dropped through the floor and drownd. A NEW him carried on existing. And since the new him was exactly the same as the old him, he decided to kill himself again... and again and again.

But seriously, cloning a body does not mean cloning memories. It's a carbon copy, the same thing physically reproduced. It has nothing to do with memories.

I don't get why all this seriously bothers me. Maybe one of these movies traumatized me or something. Maybe I think too much....